Personal Pronouns

Many people are confused by the topic of pronouns. A pronoun is the particle of speech that you use to refer to someone instead of using their name. The fact that someone uses a pronoun does not tell you anything about them beyond their pronoun; they may be transgender, cisgender, or nonbinary.

For example, you might say, “John went to the café. He took his laptop with him, and bought himself a cake.” John uses he/him pronouns. This does not tell us anything about the gender that John was assigned at birth. It just tells us that John uses he/him pronouns.

Another example: “Meg went to the library. She wore her new coat. She took back the books that she had borrowed. She congratulated herself on returning the books on time.” Meg uses she/her pronouns.

Another person may use they/them pronouns. These have been used since the 14th century to refer to a person of unknown gender, but in the 18th century, prescriptive grammarians arbitrarily decreed that people should stop using singular they. A person of any gender may use singular they; it is not restricted to nonbinary people.

An example of they pronouns: “Yvonne went to the store. They bought a book for themself, and put it in their bag. The book was theirs now.”

Some people use neopronouns. Some of these were invented a long time ago; thon was added to the dictionary in 1934; the e/eir/em (sometimes ey/eir/em) series was independently invented several times from about 1890 onward. You can find many neopronouns at the Pronoun Wiki.

Some people do not use pronouns at all, and prefer to just be referred to by name. For example, you might say: “Zane wrote that book. The ideas in it are Zane’s.”

Some people use multiple pronoun sets. Usually that means that it is fine to use any of the sets. Some people ask that others vary the pronouns by context, or use them all. If you’re not sure how the person wants you to use multiple pronouns, it is fine to ask them for more information or examples.

It is helpful if you add your pronouns to email signatures and other software, as it normalizes asking for people’s pronouns, and helps people who need to specify their pronouns to avoid being misgendered feel more comfortable in group settings. People don’t necessarily have a gender expression that “matches” the pronoun they use, so it is always a good idea to ask (and to ask everyone, not just people who present in an androgynous way).